Ethics differ from person to person. An unethical deed can be morally wrong but not illegal. Similarly, manipulating a person’s opinion can be rationalized if it serves our best sales strategies to further our purpose.
It’s often a matter of degrees as to how much manipulation is too much. And we can always minimize the situation or make excuses as to why it was necessary. Whichever rationale you choose, just make sure you’re not manipulating yourself.
“People who are covert manipulators don’t always recognize what they are doing.” That’s according to psychologist, Seth J. Gillihan who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy and writes in Psychology Today. Whereas blatant manipulation is obvious, covert attempts to influence others can go unrecognized — even to ourselves.
Gillihan explains that we often have blind spots for our own negative actions. What’s more, these acts can become “habitual and automatic, almost outside conscious awareness.”
If you find yourself shrewdly trying to influence what others think, feel or do, you may be a manipulator. These fabricated acknowledgements can lead to mistrust and wind up sinking a business relationship. Certainly not among the best sales strategies you would want for future success.
Confessions of a Covert Manipulator
Gillihan’s article offered seven common signs of covert manipulation and I urge you to check them out. Several resonate with me because I am totally guilty. Below are my rationale and the acts which I will be more aware of in the future.
Rationale #1: Selectively sharing information
“I discovered it, but it doesn’t mean I have to share it; especially if it’s outside my best sales strategy.” — Controlling information is a short-term solution leading to short-term relationships. ‘Buyer beware’ is not sustainable in repeating B2B sales.
Rationale #2: Go along to get along
Being a nice person is easy if you can ignore being taken advantage of or disrespected. However, faking “nice” will arise in suppressed feelings. It may show in your professional life or personal life, but, believe me, it will repeat.
Rationale #3: Use flattery to make others feel good about themselves
By virtue of birth order (last-born), I am manipulative and charming. I recognize my power and try to use it wisely. Further, I’ve had good results and bad depending on the authenticity of my compliments – and how accurately I can recall them.
Much like a lie, it’s hard to maintain the demands of manipulative behavior. It’s never among the best sales strategies and sooner or later it will catch up with you.
Covert Manipulators Have a Hidden Agenda
There are many reasons why people are manipulative. First, they may lack the skills or confidence to influence people legitimately. Therefore, they resort to underhand tactics to get what they want.
However, more complex motives for their behavior may exist. Dr Harriet B. Braiker identified that manipulative people:
“Feel the need to get what they want at the expense of others”
“Need to have power and authority in their relationships”
“Want to feel in control”
Stop the Cycle of Manipulation
A lack of honesty gets in the way of a genuine connection and ruins a culture of trust and credibility. Gillihan has more advice about breaking the cycle of manipulation:
Know your intentions and why.
How genuine are your actions?
Where does the flattery come from?
Bottom line: We must strive to become more direct and curious about our actions and less protective of our own sensibilities. There are times when you protect your client and times when you protect yourself.
The best sales strategies have never been about deception or manipulation. Understanding why and where manipulation is coming from is key to an authentic sales proposal.
Photo by thomas vanhaecht on Pexels.com.